Why did Tiger Woods hit a hydrant and a tree?

Because he couldn't decide between an iron and a wood.

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At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit sceptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $100,000?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.

But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents and says, "OK, it's your money, and Ill let you pick the time and the place"

Stevie replies, "I'll pick the time and YOU pick the place!"

"Okay, Pebble Beach, what time?"

"Midnight"

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The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I can't remember," Elin said, "Just put me down for a 5."

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Ping has a new set of irons called Elins. They're clubs you can beat Tiger with.

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Stephen Colbert: "Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress."

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Conan O'Brien: "One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express."

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Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.

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And remember - his sponsors are sticking with him - yet another sign that women don't watch golf.