You heard me. Retro sucks. 

People used to say it nicely as "everything old is new again" but I think I will take a more cynical approach to it, at least in the case of the media business. 

Have you heard that the latest and coolest underground thing is cassettes? Well that's what some companies would have you believe.

With a unit cost north of two dollars, a remarkably slow rate of manufacture and unbelievably crappy audio quality it's not a winner, it's not hip and it's certainly not effective. How bad is the audio quality? Shocking - worse than an MP3 with a bad sample rate and a high noise level. 

To make matters worse, it's an environmental disaster. The total weight of plastic used in each cassette is more than double that used in a CD and around double used in a DVD. Not to mention the use of chromium in certain kinds of magnetic tape used in cassettes. As landfill, which most of these cassettes will doubtless end up, you're paying no kindness to the environment.

Here's a pop quiz: How many of you have a working cassette player that you actually use regularly? I would hazard less than five percent of the total market. Even if you niche marketed your cassette or if you could find a market segment who used cassette there's precious little chance of 'monetization' as our colleagues in the USA would put it. Hint: 'monetization' is the new-speak way of saying 'turn a profit' - something that all businesses must do. 

What will happen if you use a cassette as your marketing medium? Limited acceptance and a high proportion of landfill. You had better be offering a version on CD quite seriously. Either that or have archaeological intent.

I'm sure the next thing we're going to hear is the VHS and Beta video cassettes are cool too. In parts of Asia that are still considered 'third world' by some folk, there's no chance to buy an audio or video cassette. Go on - ask for it. You will garner some very strange looks as the shop-keeper points you at the extensive range of recordable and pre-recorded audio and video entertainment on sale.

Vinyl sucks too. Just a little bit. Trying to tout it as a trendy thing is really a stretch. In most cases, you're going to be working hard to pry a digital player from the cold dead hands of its owner. And on that basis some houses think that vinyl will make a comeback? Stop kidding yourself. 

Truly great vinyl from a truly great pressing house and having been mastered at the hands of some of the greats wounds very good. On an excellent turntable (>AUD$2000), through a top-grade audiophile valve amplifier (>$5000) and some excellent speakers (>$3000), it's quite an experience. It's an experience for audiophiles with deep pockets and excellent hearing. 

Chances are if you press 500 copies of an album or a performance on vinyl, you will sell 100 or so if you're lucky unless you have a big, well known name and a following to match. A limited edition vinyl pressing, in those cases, launched alongside a CD for the rest of the market may have some return and give you cachet through some street-cred. That's about it.

I grew up on reel-to-reel, cassette and vinyl. Good grief - even 8-track, that funny attempt at only God knows what, was part of my upbringing. My reel to reel Revox is long gone, as are my cassettes. My vinyl only lives on because I still have a high-end record player and I get nostalgic now and then. 

In short, put your audio product onto a medium which meets the needs and expectations of your intended market: CD for the most part is the choice and USB a close second.

Analogue media? It has its place, but its time has passed.